Back to the Heart

The thing is, though, throughout my own journey and in working with others, I’ve come to know that there is more to our understanding of grief and its role in our becoming than we are often led to believe. Only when we become curious about why and how our grief is showing up, can we tap into the magic of its actual purpose.

As a girl, I was a high achiever and a go-getter. Known as confident and clever, I accomplished so much in the eyes of others, and grew up in a supportive and loving environment (in the standard sense). I loved the performing arts, and I wrote, directed and starred in my first play at age 11. I’ve always been a deep person when it comes to relationships.

Fairness was/is super important to me, too. However, due to my confidence at school, whenever conflict arose between myself and friends, I was usually isolated to give my side of the story, and other children would be questioned as a group – they could rely on each other and express their truth with support. I was often blamed and not given equal space to share my feelings. As a result, I got very good at hiding my emotions (until they’d come out in floods!), right up into my adult life.

However, there’s another huge part of myself that I became aware of as a child – I was and am able to communicate with spirit. I didn’t make this known to my friends and family until my early teen years because a) I didn’t have the vocabulary to express what was going on, b) I just assumed it was normal for everyone, and c) I grew up in an atheist family, and was told that there was no such thing as ghosts/God, etc, quite early on in life – thus any experience I did have with spirituality had already been invalidated. I learned that ‘man invented god to control the masses’, and this is what I believed right up until my teenage years, when everything began to unravel …

In 2007, I emigrated to New Zealand from England at age 12, with my parents and siblings. Leaving everything behind and heading for the unknown was a big transition. However, it turns out that being the new kid with a funny accent, in a new country and having no cultural awareness of the land I was now living upon, was the very transition that catapulted me into an undeniable spiritual awakening. For the first time, I had no choice but to lean on and listen to myself more intimately, and I realised I could be whoever I wanted, because nobody knew me! This awareness seemed to unlock my spiritual connection and I began channelling spirit and connecting with peoples’ loved ones who’d passed away – something I hadn’t done before and didn’t know I could do.

Around the same time, a TV program happened to start showing, which featured psychic mediums connecting with ‘the other side’. I was completely intrigued and began to watch it. On a profoundly deep level, something within me felt seen and validated. For two years, I was an open channel, and felt right at home doing it. This was the first time that experiencing grief had consciously opened space and initiated me into a potent connection with my soul, and it guided me into some transformative, healing connections with other people. 

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Sadly, as I grew up and new influences came into my life, I began to shut everything down. Ultimately, I had no one around me who understood nor could nurture my experiences – there was no safe way for me to express my whole self, yet again.

For almost a decade, I ‘buried’ that connection, even though there was always a little inner nudge to revive it. Until recent years, I didn’t realise how much grief I was carrying in my heart around having to deny my ‘self’, and now I can see that part of my ability to be able to go so deep with people of all ages from childhood, was because I was able to connect with them on a soul level.

As an older teen and early 20-something, life looked like it does for a lot of people, and I went through my own trials and tribulations that challenged, broke and nourished me in different ways. I can see now, though, looking back, that I was never truly content with the status quo of the world, nor a bunch of things in my life. I felt very distressed when people would wrong me or not look at themselves when they were behaving in unhealthy ways. I had some heartbreaks that made me question the nature of genuine friendship and started to feel like I was easily taken advantage of because I was overly accommodating with everyone (aka a people pleaser!) and always wore my heart on my sleeve … 

Little did I know that all of the things I felt towards others for the way they’d treated me – anger, resentment, confusion, etc – were actually feelings I had towards myself and the people involved in the initial experiences that had triggered those feelings – which I thought I’d left in the past. It wasn’t till later that I began to see how cyclical life really was, and that through allowing myself to fully process the stored emotions that arose in those moments, would patterns be able to be broken and new ways of living could emerge.

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Fast forward to 2020, I was invited to do a 21-day meditation challenge, having only ever meditated once in a live audience at a psychic show.  I said yes. To nutshell everything after that, the challenge blew my world open. I quit my full-time, well-paid job to launch my first coaching business (The Big Sister Project), and found immense joy in guiding young people and their families on their own journeys. I facilitated a transformational retreat, hosted workshops & programs, ran groups, and did 1:1 coaching … it was powerful beyond words to guide others inwards to move through their own blocks and live more aligned, expansive lives. At the same time, I dove head-first into my own healing journey/personal development, and met powerful people along the way whom I’d always longed to meet – people who truly saw me and could nurture my spirituality. I would not be who or where I am without that grounded, visionary, steady, loving support.

After 3 years of The Big Sister Project adventures, a whole load of new growth on my part, and reigniting the flame with my soulful self, I felt a natural transition into this new work. Work where I have the joy of integrating and maximising all of my gifts, and walk alongside anyone who is ready to feel the feels and remember how powerful they are, too!

Believe it or not, we are ALL always being gifted the chance to commune with our soul and let it lead our life, if we choose it. And it’s not something that’s ‘out there’ or ‘woo woo’.

When our soul leads the way, experiences come and go with more ease, trust and flow. 

Also, using the voice we have been gifted with to speak our truth compassionately & with confidence, is at the foundation of building supportive and powerful relationships that will help us express ourselves and move through life transitions without judgment or fear. We all need those, and I am here to show you how to create them.

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Working with me:

As you move through your grief journey and life transitions (however that looks for you), I offer a grounding presence that will guide you in a way that traditional grief counselling/life coaching does not offer. Together, through safe, heart-opening interactions, you will be invited explore your thoughts and feelings from new perspectives, open up to creating life that feels aligned, meaningful and joy-filled, and (re)ignite an unshakeable connection to your soul. No matter your age, stage or situation, you will see how you can arise from any heaviness, confusion or darkness you may be experiencing, and powerfully change the narrative of the life you’re living right now.

You can work with me by embarking on a 1:1 mentoring journey for 3 or 6 months; attend monthly events; and/or hire me as a speaker/workshop facilitator for your community/organisation events. 

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I will be going much deeper into my story in my next book. If you have any questions or resonate with me, I encourage you to join me at Glitter in Grief each month.